By Lily Sanchez, Chattanooga, Tenn. — A familiar panic sets in when I think about the holidays. The nice things about the holidays is that we all usually receive material gifts to cushion the blow of all the impending questions our family will ask us that we don’t have the answers to. No, grandma, I don’t know why I don’t have a boyfriend yet. Please quit asking me.
To help your loved ones help ease the cringe-worthy awkwardness this season, here’s a list of gifts we college students really want to receive:
We are broke. Please have mercy on us. Also, why is everything so expensive?
If you couldn’t tell by the deeply set dark circles under our eyes, we’ve been foregoing sleep for our grades and/or minimum wage salaries for a few weeks now, and we’d just like some sleep that isn’t rudely interrupted by our roommates slamming doors or doing laundry at 5 a.m.
To fill the emotional void that comes from being a perpetual disappointment to our families, professors and employers.
4. A job or an internship.
Or something that will look good on our resume. Preferably something that pays.
5. A(n attractive) personal trainer
Our looks are the least of our concerns right now, and someone to keep us accountable for this could probably boost our spirits and make us not dread each day so much. Low key, though. We’ll have let that Freshman 15 triple by senior year if you let us.
6. Our degree (already)
How many times to I have to cry over my transcript until it’s finally over?
During finals and the month following, we college students tend to get sick. Our immune systems crash and we’re essentially walking zombies. Come to find out, in order to get the good stuff to help fight the flu and other sicknesses, we have to sell a kidney or at least some plasma. .
8. A hug
We’re done with ourselves. Just give us a tight squeeze and tell us you’re proud of us. That’s all we need. And maybe slip us a 20.