Compiled by Eve Hermann, Chattanooga, Tenn. —

At the Echo, crime is not a joke. But students getting busted for tomfooleries they wouldn’t do in front of their parents is pretty amusing. If you’re like me, the only thing you read in the Echo is the crime log and I have been working vigorously to bring you: the best of the crime log from August 2014 to present. If you were one of the rapscallions involved in these mishaps, I hope you have changed your ways and found better means to release all of that punk energy. Maybe I was involved in one or all of these. Maybe I hid the word “fart” somewhere. You will have to read to find out.

March 24: When you have to go, you have to go.

15-001851 A man was reported to be exposing himself in Lot 30. Police talked to the man who said he was waiting on a student and needed to use the restroom. He said he attempted to shield himself using the doors of his vehicle. Police told the man not to urinate on campus and asked that he wait for his friend elsewhere.

Feb 21: Snow joking around with the cops.

15-001262 An officer was called to the intersection of University Street and East Eighth Street about some students who were throwing snowballs at moving cars. The police car was hit multiple times while stopped at the intersection. The officer asked the crowd to disperse.

Prior to the officer’s arrival, two students slid down University Street and hit a light post causing injuries to both students. Both were taken to Erlanger Medical Center. Police asked students to not slide down the hill anymore and asked resident assistants and resident directors to take names of anyone who failed to follow directions. Students continued to slide.

Later, the officer saw a large blue kayak sliding down the University Street, which hit a white 2004 Nissan Altima as the car was driving down E. Eighth Street. The collision caused the car’s bumper to fall off. No students were injured.

While talking to the owner of the kayak, the officer smelled alcohol. The student said he had been drinking before joining the crowd outside. The student was sent to Student Development.

Feb. 15: Punked, UTC edition

15-0001143 A student told police that his laptop had been stolen from Crossroads Dining Hall. He left it sitting by the cash register where it could charge and came back to find it missing. Video footage showed that someone had come along and put the laptop and charger in the bottom of a trashcan. The laptop and charger were returned unharmed. The student wanted to press charges until he found out that his friends had done it as a prank.

Feb. 14 Valentine’s Day: I think we need to brake up.

15-001108 A security guard reported a damaged vehicle egg. She had gotten out of the car and began to walk away when she noticed the car was rolling down hill towards a dumpster. The brake had not been fully engaged. The front bumper was damaged.

Feb. 10: Elevators on strike

15-001028 Police were called to the Engineering, Mathematics and Computer Science building about a student trapped in a broken elevator. The student was released unharmed and the elevator was taken out of service until testing could be done.

15-001035 Police were called to the library about a worker who was stuck in a broken elevator. The worker explained that he turned a key to keep the elevator open. Once the key was in the proper position, the elevator functioned normally.

Jan. 24: You alright bro?

15-000543 An officer was called to the Fine Arts building because of a student injury. The student accidentally hit themselves in the head with a crowbar. The student had a cut across her eyebrow that would require stitches. The student’s mother was called.

Nov. 5: Dude put that away.

14-1545 Police responded to report of a suspicious party at Johnson O’bear Apartments. Police talked to two students upon arrival. Both parties said the suspicious party was a white male with red hair, approximately 5’8” wearing a light gray UTC hoodie, a ball cap, and pants with his male genitalia hanging out. Both parties saw the suspect at two different times and notified the Resident Assistant. The RA then notified UTC Police who searched the premises.

Sept. 22: In the battle between nice hair and safety, nice hair always wins.

14-1238 UTC Police responded to Stophel Apartments room 3315 for a general fire alarm.

Police knocked and announced their arrival, and entered the apartment when no one responded. They did not see fire but there was some smoke. Housing personnel came in the apartment and began checking to see that all bedroom doors were unlocked and residents removed.

Police left the apartments to escort Chattanooga Fire personnel to the room. When they returned, housing personnel told them there was a female resident who was not leaving her room.

Police knocked and announced on the bedroom door, and told the resident she needed to be evacuated immediately.

The resident shouted at police through the bedroom door, “Hold the f*** on.” Police waited about 30 seconds and knocked again at which time the female shouted, “I’m coming.”

The resident came from the bedroom, entered the bathroom, and began brushing her hair. Police told the resident to immediately stop brushing her hair, get her shoes on, and come outside to speak with the Chattanooga Fire Captain. The resident was told in lieu of physical arrest she would be sent to Student Affairs for charges of disorderly conduct and reckless endangerment.